Charge!
by BloodyMarryMe
Summary: Just a little WoW oneshot about a battle between the Night Elves and the Orcs. And an attempt to be humorous?


**Charge! **by **BloodyMarryMe**

**Just found this oneshot when I was going through some old stories on my computer. And thought; well why not publish it then! **

**So just a short humorous battle between the Nelfies and the Orcs. **

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**CHARGE!**

Somewhere in Ashenvale, brave Orcish warriors stood in neat formation, their shields held forward and upwards, and their swords ready for stabbing. The captain stood before them and raised his sword in the air. The world fell silent as he began his pre-battle speech. The soldiers sighed and relaxed their battle-ready stances.

"Today my brothers, we face our ancient enemy! We fight the evil Night Elves, so that we may acquire wood to extend the Orgrimmar Inn to a stunning TWO-ROOM STRUCTURE!"

"Er, sir?" said one of the warriors at the back, waving his hand in the air.

"What is it? You know better than to interrupt me at a time like this! At any MOMENT I could randomly EXCLAIM AND EMPHASISE words for dramatic EFFECT!"

"Well, they're not exactly our ancient enemy sir. We only met them for the first time about four years ago..."

"Contradicting your SUPERIOR officer is AN act OF treasON! DO you understand me, you 'orrible little PEON!"

The warrior thought about this very quickly. "Work work!" he replied dutifully.

"Good. NOW then; let GLORIOUS BATTLE COMMENCE! Today we fight for HONOUR! Today we fight for our PEOPLE! And today...today my brothers...WE FIGHT FOR THAT POOR TAUREN BLOKE WHO KEEPS GETTING ATTACKED AT THE PUB!"

The warriors roared in a very fearsome and manly way. Except for one.

"What is it NOW?" the captain bellowed.

"I was just going to say; maybe we should charge now sir? The Nelfies are looking a bit impatient..."

"WE will charge WHEN I say AND not a MOMENT soonER! DO I Make MYSELF clear? Good. Now SHUT up!"

* * *

The Night Elves lay upon the side of the hill, watching the Orcs chattering away. They had been there for about an hour now.

"Can we shoot them yet?" an elf asked his commander.

"Nah; rules of dramatic interludes, section three, paragraph seven. We can't shoot them until they've finished shouting about glory and honour."

"Can't we just shoot them a little bit?"

"Define a little bit."

"Half a quiver?"

"Nope."

"One arrow?"

"Sorry, too hostile."

"*Half* an arrow?"

"Which half?"

"The sharp bit, obviously."

"Nope, can't do anything that might hurt them until full hostility commences."

The other Elf sighed and frowned in thought. "What about a rock?"

"What size?"

"How about...this one?"

The Elf officer thought about it, and examined the pebble. "How hard are you gonna chuck it?"

"I don't know...was thinking I could make it bounce of the helmet that big one is wearing."

"If you make that shot," the commander said, "I'm taking you to Goldshire."

"Really! You mean it!"

"Yeah. Boy like you has gotta grow up some day. The ladies there can do some incredible things with a soul shard and a bottle of wine."

"Wow...things like what?"

"I'll tell you all about it...*if* you can make that shot. And you gotta promise you won't tell your mother. She's always giving me a right earful...says I'm a bad influence."

"Ha! I left home without a clean change of underwear, and she doesn't have a clue! I do whatever I like!"

"Er...right. Just throw the rock."

* * *

"WHO THREW THAT!" the Orcish captain shouted, exploding with rage and disbelief. "Alright! Hands up! Who threw it! If I don't find out who did it RIGHT NOW then we're ALL going home without a battle! Do I make myself CLEAR?" There was quiet snickering from the warriors.

"Sir?"

"This had BETTER not be ANOTHER attempt to CONTRADICT ME!"

"Er...Sir, I think the elves through the rock. Sir."

"The Elves? THE ELVES! Right! THAT'S IT! CHARGE!"

The warriors looked at one another as if it was a trick. "Really? You really mean it sir?" one of them asked.

"YES I BLOODY WELL MEAN IT! CHARGE!"

Without another thought, the Orcish warriors readied their weapons once again and gleefully ran forward across the small valley.

* * *

"Finally! They're moving!" one of the Elves exclaimed and pointed at the approaching Orcs. The commander nodded and idly whistled. From the undergrowth nearby, a small rabbit hopped forward. A small rabbit with a mean look in its eyes.

"..." said the Elves.

"Oh just shut up and watch," said the commander.

* * *

"RAAAAAAAAAAAGHH!" roared the captain.

"RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" roared the warriors.

"RRRAAAAAAAAAAGGHHH-ITS-A-LITTLE-FURTHER-THAN-I-THOUGHT-RAAAAAAAGH!" roared the captain.

"RAAAAAAAGH-CAN-WE-HAVE-A-REST-SIR?-RAAAAAGH!" roared the warriors.

"RAAAAAAAAGH No."

The Orcs ran for about a minute, having somewhat misjudged the distance to the hill. Everything was going so well; the warriors were happy to be moving, overjoyed at the prospect of combat, and thrilled at the possibility of their captain heroically dying in battle. The ground thundered as their wall of shields and armour crashed onwards.

And then it all went wrong. One of the warriors spotted something and gestured to the others, and one by one everyone came to a staggering halt. The Captain soon noticed that he was alone in his charge, and turned around to see what the problem was.

"Why in ARCHIMONDE'S name have you SPINELESS worms STOPPED!"

"Can't charge now sir," someone replied.

"And WHY not?"

"It's the rules. Can't charge once combat has been initiated."

The captain stared blankly, as if he hadn't quite heard that last sentence.

"It's true," another warrior confirmed. "Rules of warfare state that no non-mounted infantry of the warrior persuasion may charge an enemy after combat has been initiated."

"You have to be joking..."

"Nope, it's all true sir. Can't disobey it. Can't charge."

"But we haven't initiated combat yet!" the captain pleaded. "We haven't even been shot at yet!"

One of the warriors pointed at the hill. "See that white thing?"

"The rabbit?"

"It's one of them Nelfies' pets."

"They have a rabbit as a battle pet? That's just...bizarre..."

"Yeah. Unfortunately sir, we're now in combat with it."

"..."

"Well, although no blows have been exchanged," the warrior said, removing a small book from his pocket and flicking through it thoughtfully. "We're now technically in combat with the rabbit, because the rabbit has been commanded to attack us. According to this, it doesn't matter that the rabbit hasn't er...bitten us yet; the moment we became its target, we were brought into combat with it."

"So what the hell do we do now, if we can't charge? WALK at them?"

The warrior put on a pair of glasses and searched the little book. "Hmmm...yeah, that'd be alright sir. But we have to make sure it doesn't resemble a charge."

"A gentle STROLL?" the captain said irately.

"Yes sir, that'd be fine."

* * *

"Isn't this a little unfair?" the young Elf asked his commander as their arrows finished off the Orcs. "I mean, why should they suffer just because of a loophole like that?"

"It's war kid. And we're hunters. It's what we do. We're *that* elite."

"What do you mean?"

"Like you said, we can shoot arrows through them loopholes," the commander replied and laughed.

"Wait...come to think of it, that trick you showed me with the traps, and the time you got the guards to attack the wrong person..."

"It's in the job description."

"Isn't all that stuff an 'exploit'?"

"Wash your mouth out! If I ever hear you speaking like that again, I'll give you a right good slap!"

"Sorry..."

"Right. Now then, time for us to go."

"To Goldshire!"

"No, I'm taking you home, you dirty little git."

"Why!"

"You hit the little angry one, not the big quiet one."


End file.
